The appeal of erotic humiliation was not immediately obvious to me when I first started out on my path to kinky adventures. I have been brought up to be polite and considerate of other people’s feelings and I usually go to great lengths to protect the dignity of both friends and perfect strangers. If you haven’t crossed a line in a big way, you won’t find yourself on the receiving end of any tongue-lashing from me.
Unless of course you have consented.
Because, naturally, I am also a ball-busting, sadistic humiliatrix.
Is this a complete contradiction? Well, no. It is not a contradiction. It is, simply and in a nutshell, the beauty of kink.
Do grab a Freddo from the counter and join me. But bear in mind that we are not alone today. I am typing away in Cafe Nero at McKenzie Beach and I have brought along my little slutty pet . He will come in useful for fetching and carrying my iced coffee, so I never have to leave my keyboard. He won’t be any trouble. When he is not performing a service, he is to be completely ignored.
This Caffe Nero is right on the beach, mere metres away from the splashing waves. And the wonderful thing about a laid back, beach-based coffee shop is that pretty much anything goes. Almost everyone is in a swimming suit or in varying states of undress. At this point, it’s too hot for anybody to care about how much flesh anybody else is revealing. Pets, the four-legged type, are allowed. What are you supposed to do? Leave the poor animal home to overheat? Even walking up to the counter dripping salty sea-water and trailing sand is allowed. It can hardly be avoided.
In this relaxed atmosphere with everyone putting their best ‘needs-must’ attitude forward, a sadistic bitch like myself can get away with a lot!
So, currently my little two-legged pet is sitting cross-legged on the floor. In these surroundings, this is hardly going to raise any eyebrows. Passers-by will simply assume he is keeping cool or protecting his pale, Northern European skin from the scorching sun by using the table as an extra shield.
Even so, my little slut is dying inside because I have made him wear bright pink swimming shorts. These are still a long cry from the pink bikini I have threatened him with, which is neatly folded in my beach bag just in case he decides to be clever and answer back. Which, he won’t.
I have also written in red marker pen ‘Slut’ on his right palm, which makes paying and receiving change at the counter a little bit uncomfortable. He either needs to be very quick or blush. Or, you know, use his left hand. You would be amazed, however, how easy it is to forget when you are in the moment.
Every now and then I order him to rub sunscreen on me. He lingers on my legs and I let him, but not without whispering in his ear that he is a pathetic foot fetishist.
I’m sure we look like such a devoted couple.
From a distance.
And this distance between appearance and reality just adds to the thrill of erotic humiliation.
So, what is erotic humiliation?
Erotic humiliation is pain for the mind.
It is a psychological technique employed by the top partner in a power exchange relationship. The aim is to manipulate the bottom partner’s emotional state by making the bottom feel degraded. Which sounds in the very least like dreadful manners; until you realise exactly how erotically potent it can be.
It’s important to remember that we are all different and what might be considered extremely humiliating to one person may barely register as demeaning with someone else. As with all matters pertaining to sexy, kinky fun the point is not to outdo some stranger’s claims but rather to explore our own sexuality and our often variable limits.
Kinksters that engage in erotic humiliation invest certain acts with degrading overtones. Many times it is a matter of a focus shift rather than a new activity altogether. For example, a corporeal masochist may enjoy mostly the physical pain received from a good spanking. But for someone who enjoys humiliation, the attraction may spring entirely from the lowering of their underwear, the inspection of their private area, the vulnerability. It springs from the shame of being bent over to have your buttocks spanked like a naughty schoolboy. The pain is mental.
Erotic humiliation, then, will mean different things to different people, and it will reflect each individual’s unique insecurities and fears.
I have played with partners who got turned-on when called a”filthy whore” whilst forced to suck on a strap-on; others found it thrilling when I explained in no uncertain terms that I considered their cock completely inadequate. I have called people a “filthy faggot,” a “loser,” an “idiot,” a “horny slut who is gagging for cock.” I know subbies who get excited at the thought of being shared with others, without being consulted. Friends have told me that they enjoy the pain of being made into a cuckold openly and with no apparent consideration towards their feelings.
It’s not very PC this, is it?
Seriously, why would you do that?
Doesn’t wanting to be treated badly or treat someone badly make you some kind of freak of nature?
Why not trust in the universal human condition, instead?
To understand how humiliation can be transmuted into an erotic experience, we need to delve deeper into the way the human brain and the human body work together. If understanding what drives your desire for humiliation is really important to you then I suggest you look into straightforward biology rather than the labyrinths of the human psyche.
On a completely basic level, humiliation is pain and like all pain your body will try to comfort you by releasing dopamine and other delightful chemicals. This will condition you to seek pain because you will start craving the dopamine release. It is a normal physiological response.
And that’s not all. Have you seen any of those old films, dramas or comedies, in which one of the characters starts having a panic attack and their friend slaps them hard across the face and says something like: “Pull yourself together!”
The slap tends to interrupt the panicking person’s meltdown and enable them to regain focus. Is this just a movie trope? Well, the fact of the matter is that pain is wonderfully effective in pushing all considerations out of our minds and focusing every cell in our body on the sharp, stingy sensation.
After all, it wouldn’t be practical from an evolutionary standpoint if we failed to notice pain because some abstract, existential anxiety was keeping us preoccupied.
So, the pain of humiliation helps clear your head and give you sharp focus. What else?
Well, you can dip this desire for humiliation into a bucket of guilt and try to blame your kink on your relationship with your mother, or a distant childhood event or some past trauma. It’s impossible to separate these threads out. They may well be contributing to your sexual desires, because at the end of the day, everything is.
However, it helps to remember that our individualist society is clouding our natural instincts. We are not lone wolves. We are members of the pack. Human beings love to attach themselves to leaders.
It’s what drives the devotion of many to a Supreme Being on the slimmest of evidence. It’s the reason we become super-fans of a celebrated public figure we will never meet. It’s why we follow military leaders such as Alexander the Great, Che Guevara and Joan of Arc to the end of the world, at whatever personal cost.
It is reassuring to attach ourselves to a leader, to an alpha male or female. Why are they so attractive? So hard to resist?
Simply because our instincts tell us they must carry the best and healthiest DNA. To put it bluntly, on a primal level, in your head this is the person to be exchanging body fluids with, and there is no compulsion more powerful than that.
It is therefore normal to willingly put ourselves through anything to earn our right to enjoy their favour and protection.
In summary, erotic humiliation for me is about the following three ideas:
- The pleasure chemicals that are released in response to the pain are rewarding
- The pain helps empty one’s head of stress and niggling concerns
- We are programmed to attach ourselves to a strong leader and willingly suffer for this person to maintain this connection
In short, you are not a freak. Kink isn’t bad for you. Listening to too much Radiohead is bad for you. Now run along and go find yourself some mental anguish that springs from your devotion to an alpha male or an alpha female.
It’s unnatural to resist the urge.
Responses to last week’s QotW
Before I wrap this up, big thanks to all of you for your responses to last week’s Question of the Week on Shaven legs and Feminism.
DerangedPiglet made me smile yet again with his views on epilation. Now I am stuck thinking about humiliating a certain someone by shaving all their hair off. Mmmmm… Feeling dangerously inspired.
Question of the Week
You know what’s coming. Erotic Humiliation. Are you into it?
Do you have any stories to share on the subject of erotic humiliation, such as name-calling or face slapping?
- How do you feel about subjecting a partner to humiliation or being subjected to it yourself?
Feel free to share your views with us in the comments section below! We enjoy hearing from you.
Until next time…
I am going to be honest with you. I have no intention of rushing back to the office anytime soon. I will text Photo-Princess and ask her to hold my messages and just sunbathe for a couple of more hours. What other delicious trials will I come up for my little forced-femmed slut? I might order him to apply bright pink, cherry-flavoured chap stick to his lips – after all UV protection is no laughing matter.
And yet somehow, I can’t help but laugh at him.
Stay well, darling, till next time.